While society burns and marxism seeks to rewrite history we always hear the weak minded possessed by postmodern ideologies talk about how our favourite movies weren’t what they appeared to be. Sleeping beauty wasn’t about a couple’s love breaking a curse, it was about patriarchal rape culture because Prince Phillip never had consent before kissing the unconscious Princess Aurora. Cinderella wasn’t a story about a low class, unfortunate woman who discovers her unique value despite her cruel stepmother and ends up with a handsome prince because every girl, no matter her flaws, deserves to be happy. No, it was about a weak willed woman who was ignorant of her racial privilege and who had no value as a damsel in distress because she needed a big strong man to save her when clearly she could’ve done it all herself and then become the CEO of IBM if she really wanted to. Let’s just ignore the fact this dude didn’t even have a fucking NAME and just chalk this one up to patriarchy all the same, mmk?
WELL NO MORE! You no longer get to pick and choose which movies you’re going to “deconstruct” to suit YOUR ideological narratives of oppressed versus oppressors. I’m going to apply YOUR OWN LOGIC to YOUR favourite movies and see how YOU like it. See how supportive you are in pushing the bullshit narrative you KNOW is bullshit after you’ve had YOUR nostalgic memories shit on. I’m not saying there isn’t a place for critical thinking but let’s not bullshit each other here. Marxism, post-modernism and intersectionality is toxic as fuck and there’s no coincidence that by viewing life through such “lenses” reveals problematic situations. BECAUSE EVERY-FUCKING-THING IN THIS LIVING WORLD IS A PROBLEM ACCORDING TO DECONSTRUCTIONISTS. So now sit down with a tub of stale, cold popcorn and allow me to shit all over YOUR favourite movies. You disengenuous mother fuckers.
1. Indiana Jones
Thought you were watching a movie about an intrepid archeologist looking to liberate artifacts from becoming nazi propaganda so they would find their rightful place, accessible to all and celebrated by all at public museums. No, you’re watching a textbook example of how the white man illegally enters foreign lands to pillage and grave rob and steal and culturally appropriate artifacts that do not belong to the white man. So he may oppress foreign cultures under patriarchal thumb of western civilization. Yes, Indiana Jones was the bad guy.
2. Casablanca
Thought you were watching a movie about liberation and freedom versus fascism and tyranny? Think again! This was a disgusting display of nationalism in the worst way. Don’t let yourself be fooled with literal Nazis being the antagonist of the film. We all know the REAL Nazi was the white nationalist who openly boasted of patriotism and openly joked about pedophilia and sexism like a raging misogynist. His American ignorance in defending borders works to manipulate the french into doubling down on their sense of nationalism which no doubt contributed to the yellow vest movement we see going on in France till this day.
3. Pulp Fiction
There’s a special kick that comes from watching something this thrillingly alive. Pauline Kael calls it “getting drunk on movies.” Whatever you call it, Pulp Fiction is indisputably great.
- the rolling stone
The title is perfect. Like those old pulp mags named “Thrilling Wonder Stories” and “Official Detective,” the movie creates a world where there are no normal people and no ordinary days – where breathless prose clatters down fire escapes and leaps into the dumpster of doom. The movie resurrects not only an aging genre but also a few careers.
- Roger Ebert
So much praise from so many CIS WHITE MALES! White males love using catchy phrases like “ultra-hip” to apologize for what is unforgivable offenses paraded across the screen as if they are free of scrutiny. No more do such homophobic tropes and white supremacists themes deserve a platform of any kind! Where Tarantino inserts himself in the film itself just to be able to spout HATRED and violence by using the N-word several times, dog whistling to his alt-right base in the audience. The movie dehumanizes obviously oppressed homosexuals who have their sexuality driven underground in a world that doesn’t even acknowledge their humanity. They even throw in abilist ignorance by referring to a disabled person as a “gimp”. For how accurately this movie portrays the very real discrimination that occurs in the world this movie should’ve been called “pulp non-fiction”. This is what free speech looks like. The #1 most celebrated film by toxic fanboy misogynists and republicans everywhere. If you like this movie, castrate yourself.
4. Forest Gump
It sure is fun to celebrate the triumphs of a disadvantaged, handicapped, intellectually disabled individual. But at the same time we never stop to consider that by projecting our abililist criteria for success on the less fortunate we create a highly problematic situation where we impose unrealistic expectations onto someone who’s lived experience we ourselves have no basis for understanding.
The movie unapologetically conveys bullying and toxic masculinity without any critical challenging. Forest must overcome his disabilities to overcome his adversity in the scene where he is chased down by the three little misogynist white devils. Which sends such a poor message to those who wish they could overcome their disabilities but cannot. Instead of looking for preferential qualities in the disabled how about white people shut the fuck up.
If Forest’s mother had access to universal healthcare and full-day daycare she would’ve had opportunities to succeed. However this glass ceiling issue is not even mentioned in the film, let alone was the dead beat dad ever held to account for his abandonment of the family. The true story here was about how victimized the single mother was and how with a Trump government she never would get access to the supports she’d need to be a successful, independent woman. The movie might as well have been called “the handmaid’s tale”.
And to make matters worse, the lead role played by Tom Hanks was not even a disabled person himself. Which we all know is the equivalent to blackface of the disability world. The entire movie is a slap in the face to the already disadvantaged disability community. No coincidence that it takes place in the dirty south.
5. Lord of the Rings
Right out the gates. The Lord of the Rings was written by J. R. R. Tolkien. A CIS WHITE MALE — AND — UNAPOLOGETIC CHRISTIAN. Christianity. The religion responsible for COUNTLESS murders and rapes and oppression. Let’s not forget the crusades. The same religion that opposes women’s control over their bodies. The same religion that rapes children. The same religion who believe that an invisible sky man will take us to utopia as long as we aren’t homosexuals. So now that we have the context behind what’s about to unfold, let’s take a look at a white man’s story about the “lord” of the “rings”.
If we look at the dwarves, or racist jewish tropes, or the elves, hateful asian symbolism, they clearly are side characters to the superior white races among them and are used as comic relief through “gimli” and “legolas”. There’s no coincidence that those chosen to bear responsibility for the valuable ring is the CIS white male Elijah Woods. Oh but because he has some hair on his feet he’s no a honky ass cracker. Sure Tolkien. Through the trilogy we watch how other patriarchally empowered toxic white males come to save the day from their kingdoms surrounded by glamourized border walls in a disgusting display of nationalism. And since they are all white I think it’s safe to assume this is legitimate ethno-nationalist symbolism. Typical white supremacism.
There’s no coincidence that while black audience members watch a movie with no visible representation they also have to sit through every non-white character be portrayed as cannibalistic, evil, demon-like “orcs”. There’s no coincidence that while orcs of colour migrate through the lands, no surrounding nation will grant them asylum despite the fact they are all enslaved by a dark lord. We watch a film celebrate the persecution of literal slaves for the sake of justifying their racist borders. Because the white man must maintain control over the plantation, oh, sorry, I mean “middle-earth”. Disgusting. And if you enjoy this film you are complicit in this same populist propaganda.
Now let’s look at some holiday favourites that celebrate hate and the ways in which you are complicit in such hate.
6. Love Actually
Sometimes it takes nine intertwined stories to examine the complexities of the one thing the connects us all: the dominance hierarchy. Love actually perfectly displays the levels of privilege that’s granted to those who dominate the rest of society as they profit from patriarchy and racism and all the systematic benefits that come from being white. Even the one black character that they manage to squeak in gets cuckolded by Rick Grimes, CIS white male. The movie openly displays female suppression in the worst way as Hugh Grant’s character who plays the Prime Minister preys on a lower status staffer who embodies the most stereotypical female gender roles of serving her master. This film could have began the #metoo moment.
Full of celebrated mansplaining, this film hands out women to men as though they are currency. In this film men define these women and the film represents female characters more as livestock than human beings. The scenes around the sex actors being the most aggregious. This obviously sends a message to girls everywhere that they are nothing more than sexual objects to the men who own their bodies and that this is something that women should actually desire. As if they are defined by their vaginas.
7. A Christmas Story
Frankly, I don’t even know why I’m bothering having to point out what’s problematic with this one. Their portrayal of immigrants is disgusting. It contains scenes of mysogonist, toxic masculinity and bullying and celebrates the well documented nature of violent white males. Celebrated in this movie as the typical “boys will be boys” narrative. While childrens blood can likely still be found in Sandyhook elementary school, this movie’s main character wants a gun more than anything for christmas. Without a doubt this movie improves membership and sales among the NRA, this movie should be deplatformed from every network.
That’s not to even mention the fact that this repulsive man is somehow married to this attractive woman who’s apparently only meant to be a breeding baby factory as she stays at home and tends to the house like a slave. Cooking and cleaning for her master and his white male offspring. A brainless blonde stereotype who isn’t even trying to become a CEO, academic authority or political leader. Yet another movie designed for men’s pleasure.
8. It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown
Just because a CIS white male can take a pencil to a piece of paper doesn’t mean at all that the end result product has any innocence at all. Charlie Brown is no exception to this rule. Toxic, angry white men love to dispute that gender is not a social construct but they love constructing a fiction which visibly represents them in any way they prefer. And there’s no coincidence that in this holiday favourite we have blatant displays of sexism, racism and bigotry. It’s nothing more than white supremacy training to grow little cis white terrorists.
First of all, there’s 0 acknowledgement that the neighbourhood they all reside was a result of Jim Crow racist policies to keep other ethnicities away. The white kids await the alleged great pumpkin as symbolism to whites sense of entitlement to handouts and privileges. The movie dismisses strong female characters as just being bitchy as Linus and Charlie discuss Sally’s “scorn”. Aside from the open cultural appropriation displayed in the film while the kids trick or treat, the lore around this great pumpkin does nothing more than make conspiracy theories hip for young republicans to grow up more vulnerable to other similar fabrications. Next thing you know those kids are now adults spreading pizzagate all over facebook to slander Hillary Clinton.
9. Christmas Vacation
If you want to spend over an hour and a half watching mansplaining, toxic masculinity and deep seeded misogyny, you’ve come to the right place. A story about a middle class family training us to admire patriarchal family structure. With deeply offensive language unchallenged and unfiltered, the movie celebrates masculinity most toxic outbursts and that apparently passes for comedy. Not to mention their casual reference to animal abused used as slapstick when they electrocute the family cat and nobody even cares.
This film shows us the reality for middle class people who opt out of post secondary education. They glamourize wasteful holiday decorating without any critique over the carbon footprint or the impact such behaviour has on the environment. But as like any CIS white patriarchal family, they feel entitled to whatever they want. Between the scene of the kidnapping of the boss and the abuse of the upper class progressive neighbours, it’s easy to see the early seeds of populism were planted with movies like this.
For the last feature I will make this one special. Instead of a movie I will feature a TV show. But not just any TV show. One of the best TV shows to ever hit television.
10. Breaking Bad
Aside from the skinhead imagery and other direct references to white supremacy, breaking bad is one of the best examples of the culture of white supremacy that is widely accepted and celebrated among majority of white audiences. A common red herring term used to describe characters like Walter White is “anti-hero” which, last time I checked, meant villain. But we all know that when the character has white skin they can’t be a villain, just an anti-hero.
The rationalization of the immoral deeds and actions of Walter White is not so different from lack of convictions among bankers on wall street during the great recession. Because when a white person commits a crime there’s nuance that unfortunately black people don’t benefit from such nuance according to the disparities of incarcerated blacks. And there’s no coincidence that the justification for Walters misbehaviour is to privilege his white family for the future. A typical capitalist method of accumulation without any regard to the greater implications of the community.
Aside from the open nods to white supremacists, it is worthy to note the open hatred for Skylar’s character throughout the show. The loudest and most outspoken group being white men. Skyler represents to poke holes through the romanticizing of the gang culture and so naturally white men react to that with hatred and misogyny. This is a great example of a show which brings out the sexist and bigoted biases deeply seeded within white people, white men specifically, but all is forgiven because it’s all in the name of fiction, right? How about we stop celebrating violence and call out toxic masculinity.
That is my top 10 list to make you hate yourself. I may or may not have successfully steel manned the intersectional narrative surrounding these titles. My whole point here being that you can make an absolutely rational argument in rewriting history. But if you’re going to use intersectionality to deconstruct the things you don’t care about, you don’t get to also ignore the same logic when it comes knocking at the door of the things you hold precious. My whole point is that this is the function of deconstructionism. It is not designed to actually solve any problems. It’s actually just designed to create problems.
So that we may project our own personal biases against these things while using deconstruction tools to support an otherwise opinion based argument. If you don’t like a movie, don’t watch it. But when flirting with intersectionality all you do is tear down the very fabric of reality. While reading this you had 2 choices. Laugh or cry. I hope you had a laugh and from now on when you’re faced with a “problematic” situation you meet it head on with the same laughter.
Eventually this will take the wind out of the sales of this counter culture movement and one day the common sense revolution will correct all that has been corrupted. There may yet be an end to the culture war. The only answer to hate is love. You cannot transfer suffering you only create more of it. Love yourself, love your enemies, love life. And we will survive this.
“The psychological components of war have not gone away—dominance, vengeance, callousness, tribalism, groupthink, self-deception”
― The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined
Rule #8 